I don’t want it to be real but I know it’s not normal for me to get these thoughts and constant worries. I was more interested in sex than I think I should have been at a young age. If you feel fearful around having sex with someone, could it be as you don’t know them enough? Please could you tell me why an abused victim may be attracted to a partner with narcissistic traits? I have vivid memories of a man named Hank with an orange truck, a small dog, and a old lady wife/mother…. I would play rough with the boys in my class in hopes that they would touch me so I could feel satisfied. I just hope one day the world will be this lovely place where no bad things happen. It’s very normal to feel all sorts of confusing feelings. But we also feel you deserve to not live a life of quiet desperation. like in my stomach. So we wouldn’t jump to big conclusions just yet. Unfortunately your half sister did something you didn’t like, and you didn’t feel you had the power to say anything or protect yourself. I canât go to a psychologist because my mother wonât take me if i asked she would just start to ask questions and id have to tell her and I donât trust the school counselor enough since im new at that school. Later at home my mom told me that I had to stop and that someone could call the police on her. So yes, we’d advise seeking the support of a counsellor or therapist on this one. But so far I haven’t found anyone like that. But I don’t want to go on never knowing for sure and being confused. Sounds like you are going through a tough time. A trusted friend or family member? I do suffer really badly from OCD and I’m known to overthink everything, so I’m not sure as to if this ever happened. My younger brother remembers much more than me, I barely remember snippets, fragments of things. We don’t know the full story. In the UK you can call Childline at 0800 1111. Best, HT, Hey, I’m 29 years old now. When I was 12 I developed a crush for my brothers friend. We wish you courage. Hi there MC. I feel physically ill just thinking about him or sex. Unfortunately I really don’t know what to do. But you are also suffering from a lot of anxiety, which is affecting you and your parenting. The last thing that happened was me jumping on her bed, trying to wake her up. We wish you courage with it all! We used to spend the night at my grandpaâs all the time. Like there isnât a day I donât do it, really. You seem to feel that any kind of sexual experience or desire is shameful and ‘bad’. Hi Luca, first of all, it’s perfectly normal to feel confused and upset about all this. Is this classed as COCSA? I have fantasies about rape/child sexual abuse and I think thatâs so sick but they wonât stop. Please read our article on types of therapy that actually work for trauma http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma. But it really truly does. I remember taking money from her purse to get some and she threatened to report me to the police. I looked at her for a moment in stunned silence, before I replied, “Me too.” Then we didn’t talk about it for another eight months, until my sister broached the subject again around Christmas last year. Not sure if he even knows he has a FB page. Thats where everything goes black, but not the normal falling asleep black. Trauma is too powerful. I was twelve and he was around 15-16 I told him I liked him but he rejected my feelings. The more ive researched the more likely it seems i was abused in some way and its been really eating away at me. I can't remember what happened. What I’ve been reading I had all the signs of sexual abuse as a child. We are in the UK but see you are in Canada and found this one for you https://kidshelpphone.ca/what-is-kids-help-phone. Best, HT. And do seek support, in the form of a counsellor or therapist who can support you to explore all this safely. The floor? Finally, we are curious if this is ‘christian therapy’. There was also a time when my mom brought up some other girl who was in my grade saying that the kid who did something to me did something to her and my mom called her a âlittle liarâ so I have never told my mom. I donât know where I got the idea to do that. Memories can come back at anytime. We have an article on COSCA which might clear up your questions find it here https://bit.ly/childchildabuse. But you are doing the right thing, Tanya. They made me sleep this way because I’d always complain of hurting or feeling weird in my private area. Recently I tried to talk to my mom, but she doesn’t really remember it all very well. See our article on how to do this http://bit.ly/lovedonetherapy. We have no idea what else did or didn’t happen. Recently though, I’ve been dealing with more anxiety and depression than usual, and she’s been such a great help and so supportive, I don’t find myself being afraid of her anymore. And you are not your thoughts, you are something much deeper, wiser, stronger. Is there a family member you can trust? Do you suffer from anxiety? As those are real no matter what happened are didn’t. Hi Cate, we are surprised to hear that therapists told you to ‘shut up’ as that is against the ethical standards any registered therapist is held to. City of London I used to spend every weekend at my father’s house. And try to train your brain to also notice what IS working. Because the truth regardless of what did or didn’t happen, you are having many issues that are really holding you back and leaving you unhappy. Recently, my mom told me how my dad was molested and how he tried to rape her twice. Which can often have a strong bias that is not in favour of the client. I have an unhealthy relationship with food and are on the borders of full-blown bulimia. Or tell them that nobody would like or respect them now? Many of us will never know if we were or weren’t abused, unless someone creates a time machine. If you keep running from one therapist to the next you’ll never see results. I was terrified of even saying it’s a possibility. Best, HT. Now I have to rebuild everything I know including ( self love, empathy toward others and myself, boundaries, what love is, who I might trust, and so much more). We wish you courage. But it wasn’t the recommendation for trauma. Does your country have any free hotlines you can call or support groups you can join? No one would help me and i don’t know why i didn’t just call the police. Like, should the conversation just be along the lines of “I understand you were sexually confused and I had similar experiences, but I just want us to agree that we’re past this now and I’ll be there for you as a sister and you’ll be there for me as a brother blah blah blah happy ending,” (obviously more serious than that but it’s the jist of it). Also, sexual assault, rape etc. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster sometimes I’m very creative and sometimes I just want to be alone. When I smell perfume or really close with people around me even just 1 person. That takes knowing someone. Maybe the pain i feel isnât from my own abuse but witnessing what happened to my cousin? Later I was told I had to do the same as that was what you have to do and be polite. So my grandma or grandpa would have me sit in the chair with them legs spread to “air out”. Hi Steph, thanks for all this sharing. 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